I believe Santa is a woman...  I don't want to throw away an ancient myth, but I think he is really a she.

Just think about it. Christmas is a huge, well organized, warm, cozy, social event, and I have difficulties believing a man could manage to handle such a great event.

To begin with, the majority of men don't start to think about what gifts to buy for Christmas, until early in the morning of Christmas Eve.  Then, it's almost like they are frozen in some kind of time warp until 3pm. Suddenly, they, with such calmness, call their equal thinking male friends and make up plans for last minute shopping.

At the mall they all seem to be so surprised to find the only things left to buy are electric drills, and other such tools. (One could imagine that this could create panic with our men. On the contrary, they think the shopping is more convenient!)

Only with that argument to lean on, I say Santa has to be a woman! For sure, if he was a man, every human being on Earth should open their Christmas gifts and find tools, tools, and nothing but tools!

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would be dead, gutted and strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male-Santa HAD reindeer, he would still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.  Add to this the inevitable delay in the chimney, once he DID find his way, stopping to examine everything that the chimney is built of and how well was the craftsmanship. He could NEVER finish in time!

Other reasons for why Santa can not possibly be a man:

• Men can't pack a bag.

• Men would never be caught wearing red velvet.

• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves.

• Men don't answer their mail.

• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."

• Men are not interested in stockings, unless they are on a woman's legs.

• Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

• Finally, to be responsible for Christmas requires a lifetime commitment.

As long as we have each other, Silent Night, Christmas spirit, ,etc., it doesn't really matter which gender Santa is.

It would be nice though, if she would just stop pretending to be a man!

HAVE A JOLLY HOLIDAY!