1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with your holiday candy, they cancel each other out and have no calories.

3. If you eat standing up, the calories are cancelled out.

4. Does Christmas shopping have you stressed out? STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards, so you can eat a dessert to relieve the stress, and the calories won't count.

5. Anything you eat off of someone else's plate has no calories.

6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.

7. Food used for medicinal purposes has no calories. This includes, but is not limited to: any chocolate used for energy, brandy, cheesecake, and Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream.

8. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.

9. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes, but is not limited to: Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!